i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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