he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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