It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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