she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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