I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
