saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
