I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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