Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
