this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I think my vagina is haunted
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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