I hate all girls vehemently.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
