that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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