Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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