My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
