I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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