ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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