I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
