hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
