Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
