big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
