I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
ugly people sure do ruin things
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
