I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
