he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
