I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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