Porn is love you can see.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
