I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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