my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
