She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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