we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
