Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
