you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
