Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Randomize
