So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize