i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Lo siento on account of my penis...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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