four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
