we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
