my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
