You just made me feel so damn special
we have pet lesbian snakes
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
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