I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
