No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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