booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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