I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
