The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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