half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
