I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
