My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
