Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
