The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
