the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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