Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
nutella sex= disaster
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
