He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
