Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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