Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
