I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
