ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
