I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
