just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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