All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize