The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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