Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
