I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
