I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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