Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
why is half of my head shaved?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
