We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So much rum. So many feels.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
