i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
