im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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