The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I still have a little drunk in my system
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
