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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
