you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
