I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
