Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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