i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
