Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
