Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I think people are normalizing furries
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
