at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
