You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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